That first time ….

The first time I slapped my partner mid-sex, it was an accident.

Would you like a preface to that?

A girlfriend that I went to college with got to talking to me about the erotic services I offer and her first impressions of me. When I met her, I was new to college, still feeling new to America, and preferred to be left to my own devices. As my girlfriend would tell it, I was the quintessential shy girl that now knows how to wield a whip. What a trajectory, right?

When I slapped him, I wanted to stop and profusely apologize (consent and boundaries are important folks). But he kept going, well, more enthusiastically and so I let myself be led in the moment.

Conversations with a lot of people have made me realize that sometimes stereotypes of BDSM are the biggest barriers for people not fully exploring themselves. And so I am lucky to have fallen in with a group of people early on who were wholesomely candid about their own lifestyles and experiences.

So how did I, a shy girl, learn to wield a whip? Well, I embarked on a journey to search for the erotic within myself. I let myself be led to the whimsical bars where new poets are spitting out their verses, and I learned that the power that yearned within me was not a source of shame after all.

BDSM, for me, demands a deep understanding of the erotic. And as cliche as it is, the erotic will always encompass an understanding of my lover and the kind of unique, sensous touch each of them will crave. There is the erotic in tender touching and there is the erotic in lovingly inflicted pain.

As for that first lover I accidentally slapped? Turned out he was even more shy than I was (at the time) to fully explore his desires. At that time, I was not ready to help him explore himself. I sincerely hope he found a girl that could.



2 thoughts on “That first time ….

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  1. “stereotypes of BDSM are the biggest barriers for people not fully exploring themselves.” This is so, so, true. People think of the exaggerated Dominatrix image, the leather bar, and poorly lit, vaguely unsettling porn from the 70s. They are understandably unsure about whether they want to think of themselves as one of “those people.” But if they have the courage to step out and meet the real people behind the stereotypes, they find that… we’re all just ordinary people.


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